top of page

Blog Post

Search

How to Prioritise Self-Worth over Guilt

Updated: Oct 2, 2023


Boredom and prioritising self-worth over guilt
How to Prioritise Self-Worth over Guilt

Are you bored?


Have you ever been accused by your loved ones that you're creating or looking for problems in your child because you're a bored mother?


Does that hurt because maybe, it’s a little bit true?


I’ve had this experience. As a mother whose child had anxiety and health issues, I spent most of my time looking for solutions as a stay-at-home parent, always available when needed.


And it did hurt to hear that, even though the health issues were real, I admit,

I was bored and looking to fill my time.


You know what it’s like; motherhood is supposed to be the most rewarding time of your life, and you dedicate your whole self to it, but we’re multi-faceted women with many needs. I threw myself into making sure my son had the same opportunities as his peers, and even though it was rewarding, it took up so much of my time. I needed more.


If you’re experiencing this too, it’s OK!


I was a people-pleaser; my self-worth was based on the value I gave to others. I had lost myself. I didn’t know what I wanted or even thought about what was important to me beyond being a mother. I felt guilt-ridden to prioritise my needs and self-conscious about lessening my tightly held responsibility towards my child.


My self-worth diminished, making me angry and impatient most of the time. I came across the term “compassionate fatigue”, and it resonated with how I was feeling emotionally. I was giving so much from an empty cup.


I was not caring for myself or doing anything to fill my cup first to be able to serve others from a state of emotional balance and happiness.


You know what it’s like, don’t you? It becomes a vicious cycle.

You’re wanting balance and harmony but the scales keep tipping towards constant challenges, problem-solving and uninvited judgements, which breed frustration.


Chronic frustration then fuels toxic emotions which can morph into fear of the future and anger within the present or of the past.


You then feel stressed, feeding conflict, resentment and unhappiness.


You can fall into a victimhood mentality and give your power away when that happens. I want to tell you from experience, that you’re not a victim and that what you’re feeling is OK, and you can get out of this.

  • Don’t believe the hype - “you just have to bounce back bullshit” - you need some time for yourself, even if it’s only in 10 minutes slots. Give yourself some TLC - tender loving care and acknowledgment that you’re a fierce protector of family and have been willing to push everything aside to achieve that.

  • Make a committed decision that coming second isn’t what you want anymore. Wanting more and expecting more of and for yourself is the most powerful thing you can do - but you have to believe that it is true for you!

  • When your needs are in balance with others it becomes easier to decide what you want and to give yourself permission to have it. It’s easy to describe what we don’t want than what we do want. I became more aware of what I wanted and how I wanted to be by responding not reacting to the circumstances around me.

  • Most importantly, get support from the right people to help you develop a resilient mindset. Don’t think you have to go it alone because if you could have done it, you would have.

Some recommended Help

  • Holistic Psychologist - the focus is on a person’s physical, emotional, social and spiritual well-being.

  • Emotional Therapist - gain awareness of your emotions and how to understand them.

  • Counsellor - emotional help through talk therapy

  • EFT (Tapping) - alternative therapy for physical and emotional distress.

  • Functional doctor - works holistically to find the root causes.

  • Life and Mindset Coach -become intentional about your beliefs and thought patterns.

Others

  • Meditation and Mindfulness

  • Journalling

  • Art therapy

  • Exercise - gym, walking, yoga

  • Socialising with family and friends

  • Join a community in person or online

And that bored feeling is your invitation to focus on what’s important to you because being the best version of yourself and having a full cup allows you to be there for others unconditionally.

 

Being heard and supported starts here.

We’d love you to be part of the Onus community.

If you found this article helpful, please share it with your network by using the direct link to this article and appropriate author acknowledgements.


Note: Rita does not make decisions or give medical advice to the patients or their support persons. Always refer to your healthcare provider.


Our life is Onus
Onus

RITA DE MICHELE COACHING

FOUNDER OF ONUS

OUR LIFE IS ON US

4 views0 comments

Comments


bottom of page